Love never makes sense,

Neither did she.

She was a dream,

That could only be dreamed.

Her lips like petals,

A shade of nude pink.

I was lost in her world

Again and again

She made it beat,

She made it break,

She made it love,

She made it ache.

My soul was thirsty,

For those eyes.

And even my demons were scared of the goodbyes.

I tried to not fall,

For those strands of hazel.

Your presence made me feel

Like it couldn’t be better.

The stars shyed away,

Seemed to hide,

For they couldn’t shine,

As bright as those crystal eyes.

She was like the deep blue of an ocean,

In which my heart drowned.

When i was tired of not belonging,

They made me feel like I’d been found.

And i hope you’ll never say again,

That your eyes are simply brown.

The way you hold my hand,

The way you cuddle me up,

It feels so warm,

It feels so safe.

When i keep my head on your shoulder,

I feel so calm,

I feel so loved.

The way you kiss me,

I feel so alive,

It’s like i got burned down,

Then came back to life.

I don’t want to let go of this feeling.

I don’t want to let go of you.

Let me hug you as long as i can,

As tight as i can,

And never let you go.

When i needed to look beautiful

When i wanted to be better.

For the people that surrounded me.

They didn’t stop yelling.

From behind me,

I could hear voices

Telling me that I’m not good enough.

Telling me that i was just ugly.

And that makeup couldn’t help me.

I was fat

Or i was healthy.

I was not pretty

Or i was ugly.

They were all just words and descriptions for them,

For me it was a ghost walking with me 24/7.

I needed you.

To tell me that I’m good just the way i am.

That these stretch marks on my arms

Dont define me.

The way i look at the world

Is what makes me,

Me.

My heart is beating,

My lungs are breathing,

My brain is thinking.

Its all for you.

Beating for you,

Breathing for you,

Thinking of you.

Do u ever think of me?

Do u ever think about me the way I think of u?

Do u notice the way i laugh when I’m nervous?

Like I notice yours

Do u notice the way i smile when I’m happy?

Like I notice yours

Do u love me like i love you?

Do u hate me like i hate you?

Do u ever think if i think of you?

Its me

Over here,

Who waits for you,

Every sunday,

I wish to hold you,

To feel your touch,

To kiss you again,

And feel that chocolate melt.

If not all that,

Could I at least catch a glimpse?

Of that pretty face,

Which takes me to paradise.

I wish to save all

But i cant take many.

I’ll take you with me.

Wait, have i even saved myself?

It doesn’t matter,

If it takes my life,

I’ll live the last second,

Saving you,

From this utter mess.

You don’t belong here,

You’re like a red rose

on top of a casket

Let me be the one,

Who you run away with,

Let me be the one,

Who you escape,

From the only dentless heart.

You dont know anything about me,

Neither do I,

But when i walk with you,

You’re all there is to know.

I know i hurt you,

When i pressed the needle,

On your arm

Made you stab,

The same needle on my heart.

I dont love you,

You know i dont do,

Who said I don’t love the way u love me,

You know i do.

Every single second is a lie,

Every single second is filled with fear.

You will leave me someday,

Oh i know.

Let me be happy,

For that someday isn’t today.

Though I know it’ll be here soon.

You gave me a ring of promise,

I had hope that you’d keep it.

Oh but I forgot,

Promises were meant to be broken,

And so was my hope.

You left me trembling,

With tears in my mind.

You left me mumbling,

Words that didn’t make sense anymore.

You don’t mean anything to me,

Oh convince me please.

Even though I know its a lie,

A deep one that will hurt forever,

But it’ll wipe my tears,

And turn them into blood.

If this is a dream,

Oh please wake me up,

For i dont want to see myself shatter into bits like glass.

When this is over,

It’ll be unforgettable,

It’ll be a touching tale of love,

And foolishness.

This one’s about a dream i had for my mom, the descriptions given were how i saw her in the dream.

________

All i saw was the black room,

I could see everything,

Even though there was nothing.

I lied to myself,

Told my soul,

That she was there.

I could feel her presence,

Burning in my heart.

Was it a dream?

Or was I delusional?

It couldn’t be real,

I knew that too.

She was looking graceful,

Much at peace,

Wearing the clothes,

That were the last to be feeled.

The black-brown hair,

Tied up in a knot.

The green-yellow dress,

With small white flowers.

Her skin was pale,

Hands by her side,

Still she was peaceful,

As she was done with her life.

No more fears left to be faced,

As she threw herself into that one flame,

That scared every human brain.

Yes, it was death,

With a rope tied around her neck.

I still remember the day,

Her corpse lay down,

On the flat mother’s bed.

The day I lost my very existence,

Was the day she stopped existing.

Took with her my normal childhood,

And a rope to be used again.

Tears,

They feel cold,

They feel warm,

Sometimes they’ll freeze your skin,

Because your heart was warm.

Sometimes they’ll burn your skin,

Because someone else’s heart was cold.

They drop down from your cheeks,

While they scar your heart.

They drop on your palms,

While they warm your mind.

Your eyes might hurt,

Your eyes might scream,

The scream that couldn’t leave your mouth,

Your legs might shake,

Your brain might swirl,

On that lonely night,

Oh its gonna be alright,

Said someone with a light in his eyes.

He didn’t know,

He didn’t see,

But went ahead and said those words,

Which dug deep down,

And made me lose my mind.

Oh I’ve lost it,

Not recently though,

Its been a while,

Since I’ve seen the snow

You dont have to be afraid,

There is nothing here.

I dont have any problems,

I’m still crying.

For whom I don’t know,

I might be lying.

Is there a reason,

For my despair?

Or am i just going insane?

Dont know what to do,

Lying on my bed,

For the whole day.

Head hurts,

Heart hurts.

Pain can be felt,

I try not to show it.

I try not to be upset.

When will this go away?

I dont know what i want,

I don’t know where to go,

This is the life, which is a mystery,

Everything else is a blur,

Except my misery.

Oh when will this go away?

You made me dwell on my past,

So I couldn’t see the future.

You made me burn my shadows,

So i had to put on the lights,

For in the dark even they left me.

I think about the long days,

When i was filled with happiness,

Maybe I forgot about the longer nights,

In which i had to hide.

I thought every problem could be solved,

But I didn’t realise that rock in water could just not dissolve.

All i saw was the bright blue sky,

Not the thunder beyond.

But I didn’t realise that the rain drops were not sweats,

They were tears,

The lound noise wasn’t laughter,

They were screams.

The sky turned red,

While my heart bled.

But still,

With a drained heart,

I laughed,

And said I love you.

I’m at a stage,

Where I don’t know anything

about myself.

Am I happy?

Or am I sad?

Can I say both?

I still struggle to figure out,

How it’s possible,

To feel numb,

While feeling the pain,

To feel dumb,

While winning the game.

Am i happy?

Or am i sad?

Can i say both?

Is this really my life?

Wait. Am I being thankful,

For what i have?

Or am i ashamed,

Of what i dont?

At times i feel overwhelmed,

At times i feel like it was all my fault,

Maybe it was?

Guess I’ll never know.

So what am I supposed to do?

Wait for the heart to stop beating,

Or the lungs to stop breathing.

Or maybe it doesn’t stop on its own.

How does it stop then?

Do i need a knife?

Or maybe just a little bit of hope.