I’m at a stage,

Where I don’t know anything

about myself.

Am I happy?

Or am I sad?

Can I say both?

I still struggle to figure out,

How it’s possible,

To feel numb,

While feeling the pain,

To feel dumb,

While winning the game.

Am i happy?

Or am i sad?

Can i say both?

Is this really my life?

Wait. Am I being thankful,

For what i have?

Or am i ashamed,

Of what i dont?

At times i feel overwhelmed,

At times i feel like it was all my fault,

Maybe it was?

Guess I’ll never know.

So what am I supposed to do?

Wait for the heart to stop beating,

Or the lungs to stop breathing.

Or maybe it doesn’t stop on its own.

How does it stop then?

Do i need a knife?

Or maybe just a little bit of hope.